I am living a contradiction. I love Jesus, yet I am not obeying Him. It's hard to admit, but it is true. I could continue to pretend that I am just too busy, but that is not true. I could continue to pretend that I just do not have the resources, but that is also not true. I could also pretend that I am unclear if I should do it, but that is not true either. The truth is that I am not too busy; the resources are available to me; and I know exactly what I have been called to do. The truth is that I am disobeying the Lord's command. This calls my love into question.
““If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” (John 14:15-17 NIV)
More than 20 years ago, the Lord gently commanded me to share my testimony. His command was clear. I have started to obey several times. I have even shared the command with others, but it was incomplete. To start and to not finish was not what He told me to do. The command has never gone away. The gentle command became more intense as my disobedience lingered. Then, I became busy. Actually, I made myself busy. In my busyness, the Lord added to the testimony which further intensified the command. Let me just add right here that this addition to the testimony also came with deep heartbreak and a lot of tears. Disobedience always does. Yet, as the years and tears mounted, so did my disobedience. The command, however, remained. It still hangs over me at times like a storm cloud, darkening my path. Other times it inspires me like a passionate fire, lighting my way. Disobedience for the child God has that unique quality of making you unstable and double minded. Unfortunately, with my many starts and stops, I continue to disobey.
Why? Why would I not do what He has commanded me to do? I confidently say that I have been "commanded," because that is what God does. He commands His children to do His work. Think about the Great Commission. Is that not a command to go and do for Him? The word "command" is not a one that we like to use, because it sounds so formal and restrictive. We like to be free. To do what we want, when we want, and how we want. However, that free-spirit attitude, devoid of obedience to God, cannot work with God. Not when He is Lord over your life. When the Lord of lords and King of kings gives a command to one of His, should it be a suggestion? Could it be anything other than formal and restrictive? Do we not want God to be authoritative, precise and definitive when He blesses us? Does it not also follow that He would expect us to be humble, exact and definitive when we bless Him with our obedience?
Yet there is still something uncomfortable about being given a "command". It sounds formidable. Besides, when you think about it, who can really follow a command? Especially one from God? Certainly not me! A command is an official order from someone in a superior office or in a position of authority to set such an order over the subordinate person. In this case, the One in authority is the Lord Jesus Christ, God; and the subordinate one is me. These positions were established when Jesus died on the cross so that I might have the right to eternal life, and when I confessed Him with my mouth and turned my life over to Jesus Christ as Lord. It was at that moment that I surrendered charge of my life over to Him and He welcomed me, and became the official Commander, Ruler, Authority and Director of my life. He then graciously assumed the right to give me His order - at His discretion and direction. And true to who He is, He gave the specific order, command, to me.
Not only that, but as any good Commanding Officer, Jesus knew that I could not carry out my charge without the Power of His office behind me. What has He done to make it possible for me to do this overwhelming thing? He, Himself, prayed for me. And, He sent me Assistance. Not the external, physical assistance of an army or official papers, like a human commander would do. Instead, He sent a much more powerful Source. He sent the invisible, super-human, internal and personal strength needed for my specific command. He sent the precious Holy Spirit to guide and direct my steps to completion of the call. The Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, shows me where I have been slack. He convicts me of my slouthfullness. Upon my surrender, He coordinates my time, allocates the proper resources on my behalf, and grants me singleness of mind to complete the task. All I must do is choose to listen, surrender and submit to His leading when He guides me to the truth about me: I am disobedient.
Does all of this make you ask, "What am I waiting for?" Well, I do not know. That is the thing about spiritual disobedience. It is not rational. It does not make sense. Because it is not of God. In reality, spiritual disobedience reveals a heart that is in rebellion against God. My disobedience exposes my opposition to the God that I claim to love. No matter what you call it: disobedience, rebellion, stalling or fear, it is sin. God hates sin. And I hate that my sin displeases God.
Now that I am publicly exposed, I confess my sin before you and before God, and I repent of it.
Where is the proof? My friends, watch for my next move. Or should I say, watch to see what the Lord does with my obedience. The best is yet to come.
Be Well, Be Blessed, Trust the Savior,
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